de niro.jpg

One of my best buds (the guy in front)

I don’t belong to some fake-y past.  I have friends.

I am attending the most prestigious MFA in poetry program in the world and I have studied under the most prestigious poets.

I don’t feel there is anything preventing me from becoming a highly successful poet, unless something as petty as paying back student loans gets in the way, and it won’t, for my training has been at the best program with the best instructors.

Some whisper their connections, but I am not ashamed to yawp with pride mine.  Prestige is not for the resentful bookworm, it is for the poet who can bed beautiful women with a beautiful blurb.  Beauty is no longer a property of poetry, but I still know beauty when I see it and I resent neither the loss of beauty in poetry nor its presence in my life.

I admit Scarriet’s Marla Muse has caught my eye, that I text and twitter and facebook her constantly.  OK!  I want to ravish her!  She has a…smell…which excites me!  Ever since her coverage of March Madness…ever since she interviewed Camille Paglia, ever since I saw her…she’s like a beauty from a horror movie…ancient…yet alive…the aura of classical ruins haunts her form and yet she glitters with life…hers are the most singularly slender fingers I’ve ever seen…her knowledge of ancient languages is vast…despite the prestige of my MFA poetry program I don’t know any foreign languages.  I also have no money.  I’m in debt, in fact, very much in debt.  Did I tell you I have two MFA poetry degrees and I am working on a third, from three equally prestigious MFA poetry programs?   Seth approved them all.  Seth, the late lawyer…and now expert in matters poetical, critical, MFA-ical…Seth advised me that if I played my cards right…but enough!   Where is Marla? Where is Marla Muse?


  1. Bob Tonucci said,

    June 19, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Marla Muse responds: “I can’t believe this, I’m being threatened by some deranged stalker over the internet and the police say they can’t get involved. They say they don’t have the manpower because of budget cuts. They had to cut the police budget because the public schools need more money. Apparently state law now mandates that every classroom has a smart board. The policeman says to me off the record that I should think about buying a gun. Me, a gun? I’m Marla Muse, not Clint Eastwood!”

  2. thomasbrady said,

    June 19, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Hey, Marla, you’re a muse…get with the program!

  3. Marcus Bales said,

    June 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Amusing Muse

    They stand up straight and try to look so serious,
    Those heavy poets playing with depravity;
    Confessed to awful things, they act imperious,
    And seem to worship at a moral cavity.
    It would be sad if it were not delerious:
    They’ve risen high because of all their gravity —
    While I, in spite of bright and witty brevity,
    Am doomed to sink because of all my levity.

  4. Al Cordle said,

    June 19, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    I admit it’s her brilliance I love, but without an MFA I have no hope.

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