Take the official Scarriet Poetry test and find out!
1. You have graduated from, or are in, an MFA program.
2. You mostly read poems written by your teachers and friends.
3. You mostly read poems by moderns and post-moderns.
4. You have published at least two favorable reviews of work by your friends.
5. You have published in some form the work of at least two of your friends.
6. You have organized readings for at least two of your friends.
7. A friend has published a favorable review of your work.
8. Your work has been published by a friend.
9. A friend has organized a reading for you.
10. Your friends are mostly poets.
11. You never argue about poetry.
12. You only have friends in your poetry circles.
13. You have little interest in quibbling about the definitions of poetry.
14. You admit to strangers pretty quickly that you are a poet.
15. You consider yourself a poetry critic.
16. You wish poetry conversations were more civil.
17. You prefer John Ashbery to Walt Whitman.
18.. You prefer Charles Olson to Edna Millay.
19. You prefer Ezra Pound to Edgar Poe.
20. You prefer Geoffrey Hill to Percy Shelley.
21. You prefer Tony Hoagland to Rae Armantrout.
22. You prefer Allen Ginsberg to Robert Creeley.
23. You prefer Charles Bernstein to Charles Bukowski.
24. You prefer Jorie Graham to William Carlos Williams.
25. You prefer Jennifer Moxley to Billy Collins.
26. You prefer Walt Whitman to Alexander Pope.
27. You prefer Robert Frost to Wallace Stevens.
28. You prefer Emily Dickinson to William Wordsworth.
29. You prefer Dante to Robert Lowell.
30. You prefer Pound’s Cantos to Shakespeare’s Sonnets.
31. You prefer Li Po to Leslie Scalapino.
32. You prefer 20th century translations to Tennyson.
33. You read more poetry than prose.
34. You read more poetry criticism than poetry.
35. Your favorite part of ‘Poetry’ magazine tends to be the poems.
36. Your favorite part of ‘Poetry’ magazine tends to be the commentary.
37. The first thing you do when you see a new anthology is to check to see which poets have been published in it.
38. When you look at any poetry anthology, it matters to you how many poems/pages are allotted to each poet—whether or not the poets are living or dead.
39. When you look at any poetry anthology, it matters to you which poets have been left out/included—whether or not the poets are living or dead.
40. You are naturally more interested in living poets than dead ones.
41. You generally think poetry as an art has improved since 1900.
42. You generally think poetry as an art has improved since 1960.
43. You generally think poetry as an art has improved since 1990.
44. Over half of the books on your nightstand right now are books of poems.
45. Over half of the books on your nightstand right now are books of poems by living poets.
46. You would rather read a new, self-published book by an unknown poet than a book of reviews by William Logan.
47. You would rather read a new book by an unknown poet published by an establishment press than a book of reviews by William Logan.
48. You would rather read essays by Stephen Burt than by William Logan.
49. You prefer the prose of Walter Benjamin to the prose of Coleridge.
50. You would rather read essays by Robert Hass than letters of Byron.
51. You would rather read an anthology of contemporary female poets than a book on Shakespeare’s London.
52. You would rather read the latest book of poems by Peter Gizzi than a recently published anthology of essays by New Critics.
53. You would never read a poetry textbook if you didn’t have to.
54. You prefer Charles Simic to Philip Larkin.
55. You would rather read a book of poems by Sharon Olds than an anthology of WW I poets.
56. You would rather go to a poetry reading than attend a movie.
57. Everything else being equal, you would always choose a poet for a lover.
58. Your poems never rhyme.
59. You teach/have taught in the Humanities.
60. You teach/have taught poetry, exclusively.
61. You administer poetry contests.
62. You enter poetry contests.
63. You have won a poetry contest.
64. You have won a major award.
65. You have published in mainstream publications.
66. You’ve met Franz Wright on a blog.
67. You think Jim Behrle is hot.
68. You have a private method or trick to writing poems.
69. Ron Silliman has good taste in poetry.
70. You read ‘Poets and Writers’ from cover-to-cover every month.
71. You read books of poems from cover-to-cover in one sitting.
72. You are proficient in at least one other language beside your native one.
73. You have a degree other than in English or Creative Writing.
74. Jorie Graham deserves her prestigious Chair at Harvard.
75. Poetry is ambassador to the world’s peoples.
76. You have a secret crush on Alan Corlde.
77. Metaphor is the essence of poetry.
78. You want to sit at Daniel Nester’s knee and have him tell you the ways of the world.
79. You understand what the post-avants are talking about.
80. Flarf is really cool.
81. Conceptualism knocks your socks off.
82. Poets turn you on.
83. You want desperately to have a wild affair with a poet.
84. Your secret goal is to teach poetry.
85. When you are published in a magazine you buy copies for friends.
86. At least one of your parents is an artist.
87. It really bugs you that poetry has become prose.
88. Marjorie Perloff is the bomb.
89. Poetry is a way to explore political identity.
90. Poetry is the best way to communicate the deepest truths.
91. Humor for a select audience is poetry’s most important function today.
92. The bottom line is that poetry helps nerds get laid.
93. Poetry contributes to the dignity of the human race.
94. Slam poetry is a great antidote to bookworm-ism.
95. Your favorite poetry event is a slam poetry fest.
96. You are wary that you might be a ‘school of quietude’ poet.
97. You dig Language Poetry.
98. You look for trends in poetry, but just so you can be informed.
99. You write songs/play songs/are in a band.
100. Poetry breaks your heart every day.