BILLY COLLINS FINDS JESUS CHRIST A WIN

Middlebury, VT (Scarriet News) –The crowds were immense in this mountain town of Vermont as the New England Frost’s Breadloaf Park hosted the starting pitching debut of Jesus Christ for Robert Frost’s ballclub.

Man Ray (1-8) of the New Jersey Williams, the New Jersey ace who has not pitched like one this year, was Christ’s mound opponent, and almost stole the show with a brilliant performance.

Christ was shaky in the first, giving up two hits and a walk, as the Williams took a quick 1-0 lead.  A spectacular catch by the Frost’s Thomas Hardy in center prevented further damage.  Then Christ settled down, retiring 13 straight batters between the third and the seventh innings.

The Williams’ infield of Spicer, Snyder and Creeley turned four double plays behind Man Ray’s pitching as the New Jersey visitors took a 1-0 advantage into the ninth.

With two down in the bottom of the final frame, and pinch runner Rupert Brooke on first, Billy Collins fouled off five straight pitches against Man Ray, who needed just one more strike for a complete game shutout victory.  Ray was throwing nothing but fastballs to Collins, and then Williams catcher Yone Noguchi called for a curve. Man Ray threw one and it hung like an old-fashioned art exhibit and the poet Collins was all over it.  Billy Collins launched a tremendous shot into the late-afternoon, Vermont  sky, over everything, “past steeple and hill” as Frost put it in the post-game interview, the homerun “past steeple and hill” Frost kept saying, and I suppose this will be known forever as the homerun “past steeple and hill.”   The homerun gave Jesus Christ and the Frost a 2-1 victory.

Meanwhile, the red-hot Rapallo Pound are now tied with the Frost for third place in the AL, and the even hotter, first place London Eliots have won six straight.

As Collins was rounding the bases, though, after his tremendous homerun in the ninth, he wasn’t thinking about Pound or Eliot—he was thinking about all those fans in Vermont, and Robert Frost, and his pitcher, Jesus Christ.

FROST GETS JESUS!

In a move sure to turn the Scarriet Baseball Poetry League world on its ear, the New England Frost announced today that it has signed Jesus Christ.

They got together in a room, Frost read Christ “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” and it just blew Him away.  Christ has agreed to pitch for the New England Frost, currently in third place in the American League, behind the London Eliots and the Amherst Emily.

Jesus really got along with Mr. Frost,” a spokesman for the New England ballclub said, “Christ isn’t asking for any money.  He just wants to do this.”

Frost has always admired the Sermon on the Mount.  Frost certainly has the conservative credentials to pull something like this off.

But, more to the point, will Christ help Frost’s ballclub?

Absolutely.

Christ has a fastball clocked near 100, and He has a pretty good curve to go with it.

New England Frost fans were ecstatic.

One sampling from a young wag: “I always thought we were a good team, but now I’m sure we can win it all!”

Frost’s starting five is currently Louis Untermeyer (5-6), Carl Sandburg (6-4), E.A. Robinson (4-5), Anne Sexton (4-3) and Bobby Burns (6-2).   Christ will probably step in for former ace Untermeyer, anthologist and Frost friend who has been less than sharp lately.

Francis Palgrave has recently joined the Frost, as has Omar Khayyam, Seigfried Sassoon, Maxine Kumin, Bernard de Voto, James Wright, and son Franz.

The New England Frost are certainly poised to make a run for the pennant this summer.

You can say that, again!

Meanwhile, over in the Scarriet National League, talks between the Philadelphia Poe and Socrates are said to be showing signs of progress towards a crucial deal, with the ancient philosopher (and starting pitcher) almost convinced that Poe is more scientist than rhapsode.  Socrates has looked over Poe’s work and is said to like what he sees.

Meanwhile, the two hottest teams in Scarriet’s Baseball Poetry League are the London Eliots in the AL, and the NL’s Brooklyn Ashberys.

Amen!  Play ball!

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