Scarriet: Hi, John. I’ve always wanted to interview you. What do your poems mean, anyway?
Ashbery: I don’t know.
S: OK, let’s move on…let’s talk about your ballclub, the Brooklyn Ashberys.
S: Three weeks ago, your team was 8-20, in last place in the Scarriet American League, 11 games out. Since then, you’ve moved to within 2 games of .500, winning 15 of 20, and now you trail the first-place Longfellows by just 6 games, with a little over two-thirds of the season to go. What happened?
A: We’ve been doing better…
S: Why? Was it the addition of Al [Albert Camus] and Sal [Salvador Dali]? Look at their numbers since they’ve been in your lineup: Dali, 12 homers in May, Camus, 26 RBIs. And what about [Andy] Warhol’s turn-around? He made that crucial throwing error to go 0-6, but since then he’s 4-0.
A: Andy has turned it around…
S: You swept the first place Lowells. How did that feel?
A: It felt pretty good…
S: You knocked them right out of first, capping a 16-4 run last week…Andrew Marvell threw a shutout in that series, and 2 games later, recent acquisition Rae Armantrout picked up a win in relief while getting the winning hit in extra innings in a 7-6 thriller!
A: It was thrilling, yes.
S: And this weekend you came into Philadelphia and split a 4 game series with the Poe—Wittgenstein blanking the Poe in game one. That must have made you feel great!
A: It did.
S: This has to be so amazing for you, watching Lord Bacon pitch…seeing Marvell out-duel Shelley as your team wins 2-1…What do you think of all this?
A: Frank needs to get on base more…
S: O’Hara! I was going to ask you about him. He’s not doing much at the top of your lineup so far this season…James Tate has picked it up, though…
S: O’Hara seems a little impatient at the plate…
A: We need him to score…(starting to cry)
S: Are you OK, John?
A: I’m fine, I’m fine.
S: Well, congratulations on a fine season so far…it’s a lot of pressure…poetry and…I know you want to win…OK…thanks, John!
A: Thank you.
Now here’s the Standings with Top Performers so far…
1. Camb Longfellows 29-19 GB – Top hitters: A. Manzoni, Dante, W. Irving, Pitching Leaders: Horace 7-3, G.W. Greene 6-2, Ticknor 5-3
2. Bos Lowells 28-20 GB 1 Hitters: R. Browning, Chaucer, J. Pierpont, Pitchers: Henry Adams 6-1, O.W. Holmes 4-2
3. Phil Poe 27-21 GB 2 Dostoevsky, Alfred Hitchcock, Fanny Osgood, Pitchers: Pope 6-4, Lord Bacon 6-1
4. NY Bryants 26-22 GB 3 Thomas Cole, James Fenimore Cooper, Pitchers: Abe Lincoln 5-4, Alexander Hamilton 5-4
5. Concord Emersons 25-23 GB 4 Swedenborg, Carlyle, Thoreau, Pitchers: William James 5-4, W.E. Channing 5-2
6. Maine Millays 24-24 GB 5 George Dillon, Shakespeare, Euclid, Pitchers: Philip Sidney 6-2, Sophocles 4-3
7. Brklyn Ashberys 23-25 GB 6 W.H.Auden, Dali, Camus, Sartre, Pitchers: Wittgenstein 5-3, Andrew Marvell 5-4
8. Hartford Whittiers 21-27 GB 8 Dickens, Alice Walker, Pitchers: William Lloyd Garrison 6-5, Richard Wright 2-1
9. Tenn Ransom 20-28 GB 9 Andrew Nelson Lytle, L. Trilling, Pitchers: Randall Jarrell 6-2, I.A. Richards 4-3
10. NJ Ginsbergs 17-31 GB 12 Bob Dylan, Pitcher: Mark Van Doren 6-4
1. London Eliots 30-18 GB – Top Hitters: Donne, Aldous Huxley, Top Pitchers: B. Russell 8-2, Churchill 5-1, Corbiere 6-2
2. Amherst Emily 29-19 GB 1 Plath, Keats, Austin Dickinson, Pitchers: Higginson 5-4, Virgil 6-3, Sam Bowles 5-1
3. Hartford Stevens 26-22 GB 4 Mallarme, Hollander, Pitchers: Santayana 5-3, Vendler 6-2, Debussy 3-1
4. NE Frost 26-22 GB 4 Larkin, Wordsworth, Donald Hall, Pitchers: Carl Sandburg 6-4, Bobby Burns 6-2
5. Rapallo Pound 25-23 GB 5 Ford M. Ford, W. Lewis, Villon, Pitchers: R. Wagner 4-0, Olga Rudge 4-1, Sade 2-0
6. Iowa City Grahams 24-24 GB 6 Robert Pinsky, Donald Justice, Pitchers: Ramke 6-4, Winters 5-4, Sontag 3-1
7. NJ Williams 22-26 GB 8 Gary Snyder, R. Duncan, Pitchers: P. Whalen 6-3, R. Silliman 4-2, Stravinksy 3-0
8. Brklyn Whitmans 21-27 GB: 9 William Rossetti, Ferlinghetti, Pitchers: Oscar Wilde 7-4, Swinburne 6-3
9. Camb Cummings 20-28 GB 10 A. MacLeish, J. Dos Passos, Pitcher: Sigmund Freud 4-0
10. NY Moores 17-31 GB 13 Lincoln Kirstein, Pitcher: Stevie Smith 2-0
The Brooklyn Ashberys have been on fire since adding Dali, Camus Sartre, and Ionesco.
The Cambridge Cummings have been lifted by the addition of Freud.
The Rapallo Pound adding Sade, H.G. Wells, and Blavatsky to their pitching staff has paid off handsomely so far.
The Concord Emersons continue to win despite poor performances from Marx and Nietzsche.
The Tennessee Ransom has struggled recently despite Aristotle in the middle of the lineup.
The London Eliots are a monster since the addition of Churchill and Huxley.
The Cambridge Longfellows have quietly moved into first, getting good contributions from foreign writers and splitting 8 tough games with the Philadelphia Poe.
The Boston Lowells remain hot, despite getting swept by the surging Ashberys.
Poe has taken 7 of 8 from Emerson. Jingle that.