Scarriet

The motto for imprisoned Harvey Weinstein’s Connecticut team, The Actors “I am no hackney for your rod,” is by their shortstop, John Skelton, who was tutor to Prince Henry, the future Henry VIII.

Skelton lived 100 years before Shakespeare, and was Shakespeare-before Shakespeare, a hard-nosed playwright and songwriter of much fun:

Gup, Christian Clout, gup, Jack of the Vale!
With Mannerly Margery Milk and Ale.

Benjamin Franklins’s club from Boston (moved from Philadelphia), The Secrets, is considered to be “America’s Team” of the twenty-five teams in Scarriet’s five divisions, despite no team having a definite national identity, per se (but don’t tell that to the Tokyo Mist, the Kolkata Cobras, the Beijing Waves, or the London Carriages, belonging to Queen Victoria!)

Edgar Poe is the ace of the Secrets, and will start today for the visitors. A little-known fact about the author of the “Tell-Tale Heart,” is that he was disinherited by his guardian, John Allan (a Trump in today’s dollars) because John Allan was a Harvey Weinstein in his appetites, and Poe was too outspokenly chivalrous towards Allan’s wife in the patriarchal household.

When asked if it would be a point of honor for Poe to defeat Weinstein’s team, he responded simply, “I will pitch as I will.”

Both the Secrets and the Actors play in the Secret Society Division with three other teams: David Lynch’s Strangers, P.T. Barnum’s Animals, and J.P. Morgan’s the War.

Here is the starting lineup for the Secrets:

Hawthorne leads off, in center field. Cole Porter, at first base, bats second. Emily Dickinson, the catcher, is third. Batting cleanup, Woody Guthrie, at second base. The shortstop, Robert Frost, bats fifth. Carl Sandburg playing third base, batting sixth. Paul Simon, author of the Secrets’ motto ( We come in the age’s most uncertain hour and sing an American tune.) plays right field, hitting seventh. Kanye West is in left field, batting eighth.

Poe is joined in the starting roster by Plato, Pushkin, and Moliere.  That’s a strong starting rotation.

Here’s the lineup today for the Actors:

Skelton, shortstop; Langston Hughes, left field; Hafiz, second base; Thomas Nashe, third base; Amiri Baraka, center field; Marilyn Hacker, first base; Gwendolyn Brooks, right field; Audre Lorde, catcher.

Thomas Nashe, the cleanup hitter for the Actors, knew Henry VIII’s jester. Nashe wrote an erotic poem which takes place in a brothel, privately, for a lord, which became public—“it was for money, and it is not all my taste,” Nashe grumped in a pre-game interview.

Pitching today, for the Actors, their no. 2 starter, Chaucer.

Weinstein, with co-executives like David Letterman and Oprah, has complied quite a team.

The Secrets go to work in the first against Chaucer:

After Hawthorne flies deep to Amiri Baraka in center, Cole Porter lays down a perfect bunt and reaches first. Emily Dickinson homers to left.

2-0 Secrets.

It stays that way until the seventh, as Chaucer settles down, retiring seven in a row at one point, including four by strikeout.

Chaucer throws hard, and goes right after hitters, working very fast.

Poe is baffling the Actors, fanning six and walking one, while permitting only two hits.

Poe’s fastball reaches 105; he also has a good curve, a change, and a nasty slider.

Gwendolyn Brooks starts the Actors’ seventh by looping a single to right, the ball falling between Paul Simon, Cole Porter, and Woody Guthrie.

Audre Lorde attempts to bunt Brooks into scoring position; Poe comes off the mound to make the play, but drops the ball—everybody’s safe.

Brooks and Lorde attempt a double steal; at the same moment, Poe whirls in a pick off move to first, but throws the ball over the first baseman’s head—Brooks, who was heading to third, easily scores, Lorde takes a wide turn at third, but thinks twice about heading home, and holds. No outs. Chaucer hits a sacrifice fly to Simon in right, Lorde comes home; it’s now 2-2.

The next batter, Skelton, hits one down the line in left; a fan in a front row seat apparently reaches into the field and catches the ball, but it’s ruled a home run.  Kanye West, the left fielder frantically points to where the fan reached into the field of play, gesticulating again and again. The president of the United States, in a box seat behind third, who had a pretty good view of the fan touching the baseball, begins tweeting. The play is disputed, especially by Poe, who is quite upset. The call stands. The Actors now lead 3-2.  An agitated Poe is taken out of the game by manager George Washington.

F. Scott Key relieves Poe. Langston Hughes doubles. Hafiz walks. Thomas Nashe homers to center—it’s now 6-2 Actors!

Final score, Actors 7, Secrets 2.

Chaucer wins, he’s 1-0. Poe loses, he’s 0-1.

Grinning, Letterman lights a cigar.

The Secrets are stoic after the loss.  Washington: “It got away from us.” Poe: “Tough loss.” Franklin hands out a note to the press in secret code, which says “You can’t win them all.”

Johnny Depp, the Actors’ manager, takes his team to the five star Italian place near the ballpark in Westport: Finalmente Trattoria.

Keith Richards, from neighboring Weston, shows up; Depp, Richards, Nashe, Skelton, and Hafiz drink in a secluded corner of the restaurant for hours.

~~~